2. My GPS system kept re-calculating.
–Rileigh Zickafoose, Lima, Ohio

3. I was trapped in the labyrinth!
–Melanie Hess, Lancaster, Pa.

4. I can’t take my Starbucks into the arena.
–Miranda Snyder, Moundridge, Kan.

5. The Mennonite Game went into overtime.
–Derek King: Harrisonburg, Va.

6. Our Dutch Blitz wasn’t done “chust” yet.
–Jon Burkholder, Lititz, Pa.

7. It’s the only time there’s no line for ice cream at North Market.
–Ki Lynn, Cheraw, Colo.

8. My dog ate my songbook…oh wait, we don’t have songbooks!
–Katrina Horner, La Junta, Co.

9. I forgot my green lanyard and got bounced by arena staff.
–Menno Yoder, Lancaster, Pa.

10. I was stuck in the elevator.
–Dozens of you!

I was in the middle of a game… the Mennonite Game. And it just wouldn’t end.
–Morgan Kraybill: Harrisonburg, Va.

The free breakfast buffet at the Hampton Inn was still open.
–David Fast: Elkhart, Ind.

We were too busy working on witty responses for tomorrow’s top ten list
Our alarm was set to central standard time
Our inflatable dolphin was attacked by a shark and we had to give him CPR
We got stopped trying to talk our way out of a ticket from the jaywalking
police
Our GPS had to recalculate one too many times on the walk there
We missed the shuttle from the Hyatt
We couldn’t tear ourselves away from the breaking news of Michael Jackson’s
death
We didn’t want to lose our place in line for the Jonas Brothers concert.
–Grace Hill youth group: Whitewater, Kan.

Minor league baseball, one block from arena  (good choice, 8 runs scored in home
half of first)
–Gary Oyer: Hesston, Kan.

Sir, no excuse sir! (from a former military officer, now a Mennonite pacifist!)
Uh, oh. Recalculating.
–Steve Carpenter: Harrisonburg, Va.

I forgot my green lanyard and got bounced by arena staff.
–Menno Yoder: Lancaster, Pa.

Drank too much tomato juice.
Getting interviewed by Mennonites Gone Wild.
Horses ran away.
–Justin Cavinder: La Junta, Co.

I got caught up in an intense game of Dutch Blitz.
–Mariah Martin: Hagerstown, Md.

I forgot to fill up the horse and buggy with gas last night.
–Adam Ropp: Milverton, On.

My dog ate my schedule.
Have you seen the lines at the hotel elevators lately?
–Steve Blank: Souderton, Pa.

My hybrid broke down.
My dog ate my hymnbook.
–Cristian Good: Goshen, In.

My dog ate my songbook…oh wait, we don’t have songbooks!
–Katrina Horner: La Junta, Co.

The elevator got stuck, and by the time I got down 20 flights of stairs…well…
–Kallen Terry: Bluffton, Oh.

Our Dutch Blitz wasn’t done chust yet.
–Jon Burkholder: Lititz, Pa.

I pulled my gluteus maximus during the booty-x.
–Steve Smucker: Ottawa, Oh.

My GPS system kept re-calculating.
–Rileigh Zickafoose: Lima, Oh.

I was practicing the booty-x.
–Gideon Dunster: Kidron, Oh.

It’s the only time there’s no line for ice cream at the market.
–Ki Lynn: Cheraw, Co.

Followed the wrong herd.
–Angie Martin: Cheraw, Co.

Dutch Blitz Gone Wild.
I was in line for my caricature.
The escalator was only going up.
I had to help this other youth group find their way.
Evangelizing at Starbucks.
–Kevin King: Bluffton, Oh.

Looking for the number match for my shirt.
–Michael Schrag: Goshen, In.

We conscientiously objected to going.
–James Bennett: Toledo, Oh.

We wanted to have the pool all to ourselves.
–Sam Cook: Toledo, Oh.

I stepped in a “pile” following the hay wagon on the way.
–Patty Schmucker: Toledo, Oh.

Too busy cutting our name tags down to size.
–Toby Cameron: Toledo, Oh.

I seek God’s face on Facebook.
–David Augsburger: Claremont, Ca.

Overworked from MDS.
Pooped from the Relief Sale.
Overslept.
–Leann Augsburger: Claremont, Ca.

My elevator got stuck.
–Mark Horst: Somerset, Pa.

I just had to stop and play the Mennonite game with that really familiar-looking person I saw on the way there.
–Molly Kraybill: Lancaster, Pa.

There’s worship service?
–Luke Nofsinger: Marcellus, Mi.

I got sucked into a conversation with Marion Bontrager.
–Mark Horst: Somerset, Pa.

My ankles have finally given out from all the walking.
–Mary Lee Souder: Archbold, Oh.

Can’t tear myself away from the free breakfast buffet at the hotel.
–Dan Schreiber: Champaign, Il.

Me and my boy Ken were having an improv service.
–Todd Grotenhuis: Indianapolis, In.

Distracted by this new-fangled “cable TV” thing at the hotel.
–Petey Biddle: White Heath, Il.

I was on my way when I met the most interesting homeless man.
–Greg Hershberger: Tempe, Az.

I had a bee in my bonnet.
My horse threw a shoe.
–Jensen Long: Westover, Md.

Stuck in an elevator.
–Andrea Bauman: ???

Clipping your toenails so they don’t get caught in the escalator.
–Fred Miller: Kalona, Ia.

The Lord called us to collect our free t-shirts for the day so we can give to the less fortunate in our community.
–MYF of First Mennonite Church: Wadsworth, Oh.

Threw out back picking up family Bible.
Beard got caught in thresher, in hospital.
Just lost a limb in a tractor accident.
A cow ate my favorite headcovering.
–Thomas Neufeld: Lancaster, Pa.

We had to park our horse and buggy.
–Mennonite Church of Normal Junior Youth

I decided to live as an Amish for the day by unplugging everything in my room, including the alarm clock and therefore slept through the service.
–Matt Weaver: Walnut Creek, Oh.

My horse is on strike for animal rights.
–Didi Bergen: Moundridge, Ks.

Inflatable animals took all the seats.
I was at the Heston booth waiting for my t-shirt match.
I got stuck in the hotel elevator.
–Cody Claassen: Whitewater, Ks.

After breathing in, I was EXHALL E(ing)
–Steven R. Martin: Ephrata, Pa.

All I can say is that it involves a time machine, Menno Simons, and a six-pack of Mountain Dew.
–Dylan Terry: Bluffton, Oh.

Training for the Convention 2009 5K.
Breathed in and out so often I hyperventilated.
Holding a last-minute bake sale to pay for the trip home.
Waiting for the fire department to rescue me from an elevator.
Finishing my trash fashion show outfit.
Waiting for the Columbus monorail.
Working on my Top 10 list.
Staking out my site for Red, White, and Boom.
-Anonymous

I was stuck in the elevator
–Ethan Zook: Harrisonburg, Va.
–Nate Welsh: Waynesboro, Pa.
–Craig Ruth: Waltersville, Md.

I’m a pastor and I’m on vacation
–Shirley Yoder Brubaker: Harrisonburg, Va.

I heard some people were trying to get some cows out of the barn. I wanted to help!
–Lori Bontrager: Archbold, Ohio

Entranced by the flashing lights…ooh shiney
–Michael Schrag: Goshen, Ind.

I got my Bible caught in the revolving door of my hotel
–Matt Weaver: Telford, Pa.

I was too busy holding the door for other people
–Alex Ruth: Walkersville, Md.

We decided to stay in bed and “meditate” instead
–Billy Haggardy: Toledo, Ohio

Pulled a hamstring learning the Booty-X
–Karen Kruzel: Toledo, Ohio

I was trapped in the labyrinth
–Melanie Hess: Lancaster, Pa.

The breath of the Holy Spirit didn’t fill my sail to get me out of bed
–Amy Bennett: Toledo, Ohio

Menno Simons came back and I had to take him in a Dolorian (Back to the Future, anyone?)
My dreadlocks got stuck in a printing press
I needed to grow my beard
–Brian O’Leary: Seatlle, Wash.

My horse got sick
–Dietrich Bergen: Moundridge, Kan.

I got a call from my cousin Matthew Yoder that his buggy had broken down, but I had to find out which Matthew
–Michael Mondragan: Seattle, Wash.

I had to go back to my hotel to get long pants and a sweater from this summer weather
–Bryan Leaman: Louisville, Ohio

My dog ate my Bible
–Katie Stevens: Moundridge, Kan.

I can’t take in my Starbucks
–Miranda Snyder: Moundridge, Kan.

My water broke
–Arielle Zerger: Moundridge, Kan.

What do you mean, “a” worship service?
–Glen A. Guyton: Hampton, Va.

I’m proclaiming God’s name on the golf course
–Michael J. Smith: Gibson City, Ill.

The dog ate my “Sing My Journey”
–Tom Horst: Lancaster, Pa.

I found the children’s service to be more my style
–Andrew Mishler: Indianapolis, Ind.

I just realized we are in Ohio and not in Kansas anymore
–Randy Stucky: Halstead, Kan.

Having a contagious disease
–Mary Schrag: Moundridge, Kan.

Too much homework from delegate meeting
–Robert E. Bomberger: Litiz, Pa.

When the Holy Spirit says “sing,” you sing. When the Holy Spirit says “sleep,” you sleep
–Cassie MIller: Beemer, Neb.

Too busy reading the latest edition of mPress and the Top 10 list for the day
–Eunice Nickel: Newton, Kan.

9) The ice cream trucks play 606. — David Kempf: Libertyville, Il.

The food banks become fully stocked … and the bartenders are going to need them. — Jon Burkholder: Lititz, Pa.

7) You look around the restaurant and everyone’s drinking water. — Marathana Prothro: North Newton, Kan.

6) The massage chairs stop working because no one is willing to pay a dollar. — Judy Clemens Smucker: Ottawa, Ohio

5) You wonder where they parked all of those horses and buggies. — Pam Witwer: Lancaster, Pa.

4) All of the city’s hotels suddenly find themselves running out of little shampoo bottles. — David Fast: Elkhart, In.

3) Crosswalks: “you go”, “no you go”, “no, we’ll just let the cars go.” –- Kevin King: Bluffton, Ohio

2) The racial diversity drops 20 percent! — Chuck Woods: Toledo, Ohio

1) All the hotel rooms in the city have been reserved under only 6 last names. — Melissa Fisher Fast: Elkhart, In. _________________________________________________________________

All the Yoder Toder’s aka 15 passenger vans in the hotel parking lots –Chris Hershberger: Apple Creek, Ohio The doves outnumber the pigeons –Mark Shelly: Rochester, N.Y. All of my free samples are gone, but I haven’t sold a thing (Jeni’s ice cream helper) I have to repeat prices at least three times to all those with a green lanyard (Starbucks barista) Crosswalks: you go; no you go; no, we’ll just let the cars go –Kevin King: Bluffton, Ohio When you get on an elevator, everyone is singing a hymn/praise song in four part harmony -Hannah Chappell-Dick: Bluffton, Ohio The bars aren’t serving drinks, but the bartenders can’t pop the free popcorn fast enough -Will Schirmer: Lansdale, Pa. Bumper stickers that say: “Honk if you know the difference between Mennonite and Amish” -Justine Murray: Orrville, Ohio You think you can hear angels singing (but it’s just the Mennos) -Danny Row: Shickley, Neb. Peaceful bumper stickers -Steve Herbold: Cincinnati, Ohio You can’t drive when the light is green because a mob of youth is crossing the street -Oak Grove Mennonite Youth: West Liberty, Ohio You see thousands of people carrying black bags and wearing green lanyards -Oak Grove Mennonite Youth: West Liberty, Ohio Youth randomly smile and greet you while walking down the street -Oak Grove Mennonite Youth: West Liberty, Ohio Impromptu four-part harmony hymn sings on the street Oak Grove Mennonite Youth: West Liberty, Ohio Everyone you see is incredibly talented, nice and good looking -Danny Row: Shickley, Neb. 2000 people crossing at once at the crosswalk -Delbert Wenger: Harrisonburg, Va. Plastic inflatable animals are everywhere -Marcia Hershberger: Wakarusa, Ind. Dutch Blitz on the street corners, picnic tables, and by the cricks Sarah Nafziger: Mohnton, Pa. The food banks become fully stocked … and the bartenders are going to need them Jon Burkholder: Lititz, Pa. The bars are empty and the ice cream shops are full! Gay Kauffman: Sioux Falls, S.D. Taxi drivers are bored. Coffee shops overwhelmed, wishing they were bored Jenelle Buschur, Archbold, Ohio Peace sign graffiti James Bennett: Toledo, Ohio Your hotel bartenders are the loneliest people in town Mike Truex: Goshen, Ind. People seem willing to fight for the privilege to hold a door open Sam Cook: Toledo, Ohio The racial diversity drops 20 percent! Chuck Woods: Toledo, Ohio Bellhops are tipped with monster cookies instead of dollars Jenelle Buschur: Archbold, Ohio (1) Being in the minority has nothing to do with skin color, but has everything to do with not wearing a green lanyard. (2) “Breathe and be filled” has nothing to do with the smog in your city. (3) The green light you see in the night sky isn’t a UFO; it’s the hue of 8,000 glowsticks. (4) You see meal ticket scalpers in front of the Nationwide Arena instead of concert ticket scalpers. (5) You wonder where they parked all of those horses & buggies. (6) Everyone but you is wearing a red pedometer and a black backpack. –Pam Witwer: Lancaster, Pa. People are randomly bursting into four part harmony all around you –Michelle Curtis: Lansdale, Pa. The most common question on the street is, “Was your mother a Lehman or a Yoder?” –Aarin Wadel: Chambersburg, Pa. A sudden inexplicable increase in inflatable animal sales –Michael Mondragon: Seattle, Wash. Thousands of people walking downtown with recycled bags filled with as many freebies as they can find –Kim Wideman: Milverton, Ontario When there is a lot of Mennonites –Nathaniel Riessecker: Middlebury, Ind. By all the doves hovering over the convention center –Juna Hartzler: Zirconia, N.C. You see large groups of teenagers wearing clothes you wish your kids would wear –Margaret Plank: Syracuse, Ind. Beards become quite popular –Billy Haggardy: Toledo, Ohio The same six surnames keep coming up –Sally Haggardy: Toledo, Ohio Complete strangers are picking up trash –Terry Berg: Goshen, Ind. Quartets walk down the street singing four-part harmony –Matt Weaver: Walnut Creek, Ohio All the cheap restaurants are full –Andrew Derstine: Souderton, Pa. Local Burger King temporarily changes its mantra from “Have It Your Way” to “Mennonite Your Way” –Kim Kornhaus: Mt. Hope, Ohio The massage chairs stop working because no one is willing to pay a dollar –Judy Clemens Smucker: Ottawa, Ohio Massive amounts of people wearing the same T-shirt –Amanda Mustard and Kim Wideman: Milverton, Ontario Big white vans rockin the highway (literally rocking on the highway) with paint –Jensen Long: Westover, Md. People singing “I will call upon the Lord” in the elevators with people they’ve never met –Michael Spory: Boswell, Pa. There is no spare change on the sidewalks –William Stutzman: Walnut Creek, Ohio Empty bars and long/full lines at food stores –Jan Stoltzfus Buller: Goshen, Ind. Complaints from all the local restaurants saying that tips have gone way down –Jesse Rodriguez: Harrisonburg, Va. Local cable channels feature “The new red green show” staring rednecks with green lanyards –Cory Kivengood: Dover, Ohio The bathroom graffiti is suddenly about the love of Jesus –Evan McCarthy: Bluffton, Ohio A house for a homeless Mississippi family is being built in the middle of your downtown –Shanilka de Soyza: Philomath, Ore. Horse and buggies on Nationwide Drive –Scott Ropp: Milverton, Ontario More tofu restaurant menus People driving actually stop and wait for pedestrians who cross the street –Richard Aguirre: Goshen, Ind. When large blown-up animals are seen roaming the streets –Bianca: Philadelphia, Pa. When you’re late to work because people in green lanyards won’t stop j-walking –Elyse Terry: Bluffton, Ohio When half the folks you meet introduce themselves as a “Yoder” and then begin breaking out into a four-part harmony –Carmela Dow: Philadelphia, Pa. When there are Dutch Blitz tournaments in the halls –Bethannie Parks: Philadelphia, Pa. The population of giant blow-up animals in your downtown area expands by 5,000% in one 24-hour period –Heather Yoder: Baltimore, Md. The bar’s top-selling ale? Ginger. –Ross Lehman: Denver, Co. You look around the restaurant and everyone’s drinking water. –Marathana Prothro: North Newton, Kan. 90% of the population is wearing green lanyards. –Maria Martin: Hagerstown, MD Slogan T-shirts! –Chris Hoover Seidel: Lancaster, Pa. Everyone wearing the same shirts in large groups. –Nate Welsh: Waynesboro, Pa. People are wandering the streets singing four-part harmony. –Hannah Martin: Hagerstown, MD Random potlucks occurring in various parts of the city. –Austin Louck There is joyful song in the air. –Jaron Troyer All the bars are sold out of Ginger Ale. –Kathy Springer: Saybrook, Il. The city’s clocks all change to 6:06. –Brian Sutter: South Bend, In. The Good Will and Salvation Army stores are sold out, and bars go bankrupt. –Michael Smith: Gibson City, Il. How empty the bars are around the area. –Wigginton: Indianapolis, In. The ice cream trucks play 606. –David Kempf: Libertyville, Il. Gang violence is replaced by debates. –Alex Ruth: Walkersville, MD The city jail is filled with inmates arrested for civil disobedience. Instead of an olive branch in its mouth, the MCUSA dove is carrying a key to the city. The mayor renames a street “Mennonite Your Way.” The local weatherman predicts a 90% chance of 4-part singing. The bus line now includes a stop at the local thrift shop. All of the city’s hotels suddenly find themselves running out of little shampoo bottles. — David Fast: Elkhart, In. All the hotel rooms in the city have been reserved under only 6 last names. –Melissa Fisher Fast: Elkhart, In. You see thousands of people carrying the same bag; crossing the street becomes more difficult. –Randy Stuchy: Halstead, Kan.

9. Menno Simons bobble head dolls
–Jon Burkholder: Litiz, Pa.

8. Martyr’s Mirror action figures
–Sam Cook: Toledo, Ohio

7. Convention meals
–Mike and Marlene Bogard: Newton, Kan.

6. Mouse pads from recycled bonnet material
–Duane Hershberger: Boyertown, Pa.

5. Tattoos of MC USA logo
–Don Garber: Goshen, Ind.

4. Swords (so you can beat your own plowshares)
–Danny Row: Shickley, Neb.

3. Darts with college names
–Les Gustafson-Zook: Goshen, Ind.

2. Tongue screws
–Rachel Nafziger Hartzler: Goshen, Ind.

1. Gently used plastic baggies
–Michelle Slate: Ritzville, Wash.

OTHER ENTRIES:
Mennonite Mission Network Hummer raffle
–Michael Sherer: Goshen, Ind.

Anabaptist martyr action figures
–Ken Shenk: Findlay, Ohio

Baptism by immersion water slide
–Carol Honderich: Goshen, Ind.

Bluffton giving away free, live beavers
–Hannah Martin: Greencastle, Pa.

Limb insurance (for those pesky farm accidents)
Discount misprinted sweatshop shirts of “Mennonite … and proud”
St. Francis bobble head dolls
–Thomas Neufeld: Lancaster, Pa.

Menno Simons action figures
–Danny Row: Shickley, Neb.

Frisbee dried road apples with green painted Mennonite Church USA birds
–Leona Gingerich: Alberquerque, N.M.

(Christopher) Columbus bobble head dolls
–Janeen Bertsche Johnson: Goshen, Ind.

T-squares
Friz-be-gone hair product
–David Fast: Elkhart, Ind.

Water balloons
–Marriah Martin: Greencastle, Pa.

A booth on martyrs and how to become one
–Alex Ruth: Walkersville, M.D.

Shirt inside an EMU egg
–Nate Welsh: Hagerstown, M.D.

A used hammer (by the consortium of Mennonite colleges — trying to lure Mennonite youth into applying)
–Paul Brubaker: Lancaster, Pa.

Kissing booth
–Nathaniel Riegsecker: Middlebury, Ind.

Coupons to a gun store
–Matthew Fenton: Lancaster, Pa.

Amish horseshoes
Water pistols
Autographed pictures of president
Paisley print scarves
Imprinted thongs
Flip-flops
Martyrs Mirror etchings
Cell phone skins
Bald-head polish
–Don Garber: Goshen, Ind.

Menno Simmons Bobblehead
Dutch Blitz Card
Menno Simmons Tatoos
Dance Dance Revolution games
–Christina Martin: Lancaster, Pa.

Ben and Jerry’s ice cream
–Glen Guyton: Hampton, Va.

Doctrine Droid (insect-sized robotic surveillance gadget for detecting theologically incorrect comments in seminars)
–Sarah Pelagius-Conner

10.  “Smooth criminal … (but only if we’re stealing peace)”  –Immanuel Sila, Denver, Colo.

9.  “We Serve the World”  –Chris Walczak, Antioch, Tenn.

8.  “(Not So) Bad”  –Keith Graber Miller, Goshen, Ind.

7.  “Miller” (Like “Thriller”…get it?)  –Gloria Good, Lititz, Pa.

6.  “Thresh It”  –Brian Yoder Schlabach, Denver, Colo.

5.  “Beat it (Into Plowshares)”  –Michael Sherer, Goshen, Ind.

4.  “Menno In The Mirror”  –Kevin King, Bluffton, Ohio

3. “Menno Jean”  –Gordon Houser, Newton, Kan.

2.  “M.C.C. (1.2.3.)”  –Bill Haggardy, Toledo, Ohio

1.  “(It’s) black / (It’s) white … (okay, it’s mostly white, but we’re working on that)”  –David Fisher Fast, Elkhart, Ind.